Its 3:20 am. I’m supposed to be sleeping right now as I am sleepy to a point where I can barely keep my eyes open but I just CAN NOT sleep. Not that I didn’t try to sleep. I tried but all i did was change sides for an hour or so ending up in getting up and coming here to type this post. Wanna know why I can’t sleep? Because someone I care about is hurt and I couldn’t make that person feel better. Its killing me from inside.
No matter how sleepy you are you just CAN NOT sleep knowing someone you care about is hurting and you can’t even do anything about it. ~ Sahrish I.
I am that person who go completely blank when I see or find out about someone I care is hurt. I should be consoling him or her, right? But I just can’t do that. My nature just HAVE to get in the way and screw things up! I am the worst person to expect consolation from. No matter how hard I try it NEVER works. I admit that and it f**king hurts to know i can’t do anything for the ones I care. I just can’t find the right words. At times words make all the difference in the world. I want to say something that will ease a bit of pain and there I am staring in absolutely NOTHING, trying to find some words but my brain stops functioning that very moment. That is pure sadness and lack of sensibility. I CAN NOT feel better until that person is feeling perfectly fine. It keeps me restless, lost, distracted, sad and it even makes me cranky which is NEVER good.
If you are with that person and you can’t find words to make them feel better, your presence or perhaps holding their hand may help. But when you are not there with them you feel so helpless. It’s a whole new level of pain ~ Sahrish I.
Before I starting this post I posted a quote of mine which goes like:
All I ask life is to be good with those I care about but it just CAN NOT stop thrashing them which makes me hate life even more.
~ Sahrish I.
Sometimes I feel like everything joins hands with life and help in conspiring against us.
Nothing is ever fair as life itself never fair. ~ Sahrish I.
I say that a lot. Why I say it is because when everything is going smoothly, you’re happy for real, you’re having moments you know you’ll hold on to and cherish for the rest of your existence. Life just can’t see you in peace. It just HAS to get in the way. off course fate plays a role too and you’re left with questions like ‘what went wrong?’, ‘why it went wrong?’, ‘was it actually my fault?’, ‘where did i go wrong?’. You never get the answers.
I should just end this post now.