When ever it rains I cannot help but go out and walk drenching in those rain drop I can define as both blissful and painful hitting me, reminding me of all the rainy days and night we spent together. Dancing till we couldn’t dance anymore. Laughing until tears came out. Looking into each others’ eyes, wishing time to freeze and that moment to last forever. I still remember how I loved rain drops dripping from my hair, traveling through my forehead all the way towards my cheeks because you used to wipe away every drop and whisper, ” I hate tears be it in your eyes or on your cheek. I never ever want you to cry. I never want you to shed a single tear even if it’s of joy or happiness. Your eyes are too beautiful and tears stain their beauty. Don’t ever cry my love! ”
Funny how you are the one who stained the beauty of my eyes with countless tears. Every single tear took a part of the beauty of my eyes leaving them empty and lifeless. They are dry ever since. They were once filled with dreams that you made me believe in. Now its all darkness and emptiness.
An emptiness resides inside of me too. Strangely I still feel pain where my heart is supposed to be. Funny how it still hurts when it was ripped out of my chest, torn into billions and trillion of pieces only for it not to beat for you ever again. Each piece fell like pearls slipping of a broken string scattering everywhere. But you know what, where ever those pieces are, they still beat for you. They still ache and long for you. They still sing the same songs of love you use to sing.
Your memories made me weak. I dropped all my defenses, broke all the walls I created and I dropped on my knees, falling in the pool of rain where all I could see was rain drops making countless ripples. I felt something. I felt wetness on my cheeks. At first I thought it was rain but suddenly I realized it was a tear I was holding back for so long. Now its lost in that pool of tears I was sitting in. I hate these drops of rain as I lost that one precious tear I was holding on for as long as I can remember.
Another tear falls followed by all the others , the ones I didn’t want to cry, at least not for you. I reached out my hand to capture some rain drops. Couldn’t. I whispered to myself, ” I hate these handful rain drops, like grains of sand they slip through my clenched hands and I can never hold on enough. I have to let go”
That’s when I realized that I’d have to let go. I’d have to let go of all the tears I am holding on, all the fears. I’d have to let go of everything. I’d have to let go of you. That’s when I decided that as the rain takes its last course I’ll let all those tears fall and will never again shed a single tear for you ever again.
“I let go of you!”
PS: Rain made me write this. I am still on a writer’s block.