6 months, 26 Sundays and 182 days of you gone


Dear beloved,

Its been months I wrote to you. The last time I wrote to you was the 4th day of you gone. Today marks 6 months, 26 Sundays and 182 days of you gone. Isn’t it strange it was a Sunday, 8th of December, the day you passed away and today is a Sunday too and 8th of June. You know I have counted every single day on my fingers. It took me almost a month to accept the mere fact that you were gone. Letting go of you took almost 3 months. Every Sunday the time from 10:30 am to 11 am is hard to pass and it gets worse after 12:08pm. Even now every Sunday from 10:30 to 1pm I disconnect the landline and switch off my phone in fear of hearing what drained me of every single emotion I had in me. Every time I stand at that place where I heard the news of your passing away, I get goosebumps.

After you left I truly found out what “grief”  and “grieving” actually is. I went through every single stage of 5 stages of grief. There was so much to deal with but I got through it. How? That I haven’t figured out yet. I guess sometimes things are better if they aren’t figured out. I might be wrong but I’ve stopped figuring out a lot of stuff.

You left a hole that no one can fill. It hurts really bad but I can’t do anything about it as letting you go was, is the right thing to do. Yes I struggled a lot with it but I just wish I don’t lose anyone else just like that.

I don’t know what else to write to you so I’ll stop. I hope and pray you are in peace. May you always stay in peace surrounded by happiness and people who truly love you for who you are. I don’t need to say how much I miss you or how much I love you. You already know that. May God bless you, my love.

With love,

Your little sister,

Bee.

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