So I haven’t published a blog post in like forever. It’s not like I haven’t been writing. I have been writing as its my one escape when I don’t have the other one(my person). Well frankly speaking it’s not a escape-escape. Its my way to lighten up, find a way out, be happy and most importantly to be grateful to be blessed to have it. Since my other escape isn’t around, I am forced to write this post and hit that blue button with the word ‘Publish’ written on it.
I’ve mentioned this in one of my previous posts that the biggest problem of us introverts is that we cannot open up to just about anybody. What I didn’t mention was that we(introvert) have our own person who is someone we can pour our heart out to, without any hesitation, without having second thoughts about it or even without bothering what they might think about us because we know that they are the ones who will understand all those fragments of our lives we either fail or fear to share with anyone. With them it just comes out naturally and our introvert or scared part of self, don’t even bother to raise a red flag. And the reason being them not judging us but helping us out. Even if they don’t help us out, at least they listen and let us lighten up. Honestly at times we just need someone to listen, especially our ‘person’.
Yesterday was a day when I had this person who kept on asking me the entire day if I was okay, if I felt like crying or if was having a moment where I’d break. He tried different things just to cheer me up and make me hold on. He kept checking on me. Kept on encouraging me, motivating me, making me believe I am stronger than I think I am. In short, he was making sure I was okay. The more he took care of me the more it got me closer to my breaking point as it made me miss my ‘person’ far more than I’ve ever missed him. And it was all because he was doing almost everything my person used to do. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what he was doing for me. It’s just he was not my ‘person’. Off course I am grateful for what he did. But it wasn’t the same. The reason why this person was all around me was it was my last day at a place I love working, a place that helped me let go of my fear and grow in certain ways. A place that gave me so many friends who made my bad days filled with love, support and laughter. A place that was and still is very special for me. It’ll always be very special for me as it gave me a reason to let go of my fears and work really hard just to help those who are struggling to be someone and do something. My job gave me so many reasons to believe in so many things. I cannot put in word how special my job was and how happy I was for working for a cause and for those kids.
A day before yesterday was a day when i made so many confessions and i spoke my heart out but then again it was not with my person. It was with someone i would never go to if i want to talk to about all the thoughts cluttered in my head, buzzing like anything and driving me crazy. I would have never said all those things I said to anyone but my person. It made me realize that I have been holding so much in and I need to let it out but since my person is not there anymore I was hurting so much and I got so lost that I poured my heart out to someone who showed concern. Its not that I am not grateful for having that chance but the more things like that happen the more it remind me of the gap that’s between us. I don’t remember the last time I had a detailed conversation with my person. We both have been so busy with work that at this moment, we don’t know what is happening in each others life. We’ve never been so clueless about each other.
The same day was a day when someone actually understood the actual concept/message hidden behind one of my artwork. The thing that bothers me is that it was a secret I didn’t even tell the person I tell everything and the person who understands everything without me even saying it out loud. How can that person miss such an important thing that too when its linked to him? When its a secret message for him. He never had a problem reading between the lines before then why now? Why do people so close end up being torn apart? I find it very strange how two people so close, with no secrets can end up being so clueless about each other’s life. Frankly speaking, calling it being stranger for each other would be an understatement.
Yes, things change yet life goes on. But…
I miss my person,dearly. All I want is my person back.