Conversation between two split parts


When you’re hurt beyond a certain limit, when you’ve had more than you can take, you split in two parts.

One, the hurting/vulnerable part.

Two, the selfish/not willing to give a damn about anyone or anything part.

The former part keep asking questions over and over again. The later part keep on trying to make the former part to give up caring and start not giving a fuck. Here’s  how the conversation always go:

Hurting part: “I care so much. I love unconditionally. I selflessly give in so much, and it never matters. My efforts always go vain. Everything falls apart. I never get the credit of being first. Always the second or the last. It hurts so bad especially when I have pushed myself way too far, beyond every limit.”

Selfish part: “About time you start not caring and not giving in much. Also stop pushing yourself beyond limits for anyone but you, yourself”

Hurting part: “But that’s being selfish and mean”

Selfish part: “Isn’t that how the world is like?”

Hurting part: “But you can’t do that to those you hold very dear and those who matter”

Selfish part: “Do you see ‘you’ being ‘you’ making any difference as to how they treat you?”

Hurting part: *silence*

Selfish part: “Come on! Say it! You know the answer.”

Hurting part: “Wouldn’t saying it twist my opinion about them?”

Selfish part:  “I won’t answer that however, same question, do you see it making a difference to them or how they treat you?”

Hurting part: *silence again*

Selfish part: “Say it! Its the truth and you know it. Say it, it’ll ease the pain”

Hurting part: “No, it doesn’t. It never does”

Selfish part: “See that was easy, wasn’t it? Eased the pain too, no?”

Hurting part: “No! It hurts far more than it was hurting before”

Selfish part: “So?”

Hurting part: “Nevermind, doesn’t matter I guess”

Selfish part: “When you can say that ‘doesn’t matter’ then why care?”

Hurting part: “If I let you take over, would it stop hurting?”

Selfish part: “No, it’ll only make you let my control over you get stronger”

Hurting part: “Wouldn’t that make me hate?”

Selfish part: “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Hurting part: “I can’t risk it. I can’t hate anyone nor do I want to”

Selfish part: “That’s a choice you’ll have to make. You need to decide how you want things to be. I can’t make a choice for you. I’ll only take over and do my part, rest is on you”

Hurting part: *silence* 

Selfish part:“Don’t hold it, say it!”

Hurting part: “What if I don’t matter at all?”

Selfish part: “Do I really need to repeat what I said at the very beginning?”

Hurting part: *silence*

Selfish part: “Nevermind, I’ll say it again, about time you start not caring and not giving in much. Also stop pushing yourself beyond limits for anyone but you, yourself.”

Hurting part: “If I don’t matter then why do I still care? Why can’t I be mean and selfish and why the hell does it still hurt so fucking much?”

Selfish part: “Its your fault. You let your heart control you.”

Hurting part: “How is that wrong? Don’t they say, ‘Its the heart that really matter in the end’? Then how can act of kindness and care not matter? Why do they keep on saying, ‘Spread love, care and happiness cause the world needs it?’ Isn’t it the heart that makes one love and care?”

Selfish part: “Haven’t you learn the fact that the world lies and it doesn’t really care?”

*silence*

Hurting part: “Why doesn’t it stop hurting?”

Selfish part: “Cause its supposed to hurt. Learn to live with it!”

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2 Replies to “Conversation between two split parts”

  1. Such a battle. And even though it makes life really tough and we do feel helpless and disgusted by all of that, it’s what keeps us alive.

    I LOVE THIS PART:
    “If I let you take over, would it stop hurting?”
    “No, it’ll only make you let my control over you get stronger”

    We all go through that some time or the other. But some of us feel too much, and it cannot be helped. That “If I don’t matter then why do I still care? Why can’t I be mean and selfish and why the hell does it still hurt so fucking much?” is seriously the most… strict stage. Why the hell does it still ache when one matters not? But then. We can’t be mean. That’s our problem.
    Those who care, care till they die. It’s true that love is what counts and the world needs that stuff, but pushing oneself beyond things and letting others drive our day is dangerous too.
    Your last point is, “learn to live with it”. I only don’t agree to that. Not entirely, at least. Learn to live without it too. I mean, we all have our boundaries. It’s okay to not break them for those who don’t deserve it.

    This was an interesting read, by the way. And it’s always good to read from you! <3

    Like

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